Friday 18 May 2012

Review: Jurassic Park III

Joe Johnston, 2001


To what degree is yet another example of Man vs Nature necessary? Did the first two films in the Jurassic Park franchise fail in promoting the fact that dinosaurs and humans do not co-exist for some damn good reasons? As much as I personally appreciate the entire franchise, it is with difficulty that I try to write about a film which was clearly milking it for it's worth.

So Dr Alan Grant dislikes the idea of Jurassic Park and InGen to the point of refusing to speak about it at some kind of university talk. So why then does he accept a large cheque to provide his expertise on a tour of Isla Sorna? Is this not remarkably similar to the pretence in which Grant travelled to Isla Nubar back in 1993? In agreeing to visit Isla Sorna, Grant is the biggest idiot of the entire film. Apparently, money completely cancels out any concerns over being chased by T-Rexs' or stalked by Raptors, which leads to the question; why are the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park so pissed off all of the time?

Throughout the entire film I was on the edge of my seat just waiting for a T-Rex to come pounding through the trees and eat everyone, which would have made a more entertaining and convincing ending. It was very difficult to muster anything resembling sympathy for these people and I really couldn't care less about that stupid woman's family. They went para-sailing next to Isla Sorna with the express aim of spotting some dinosaurs and they have no one to blame but themselves. It was like a tech-thriller episode of Scooby Doo. So a character has a lucky backpack. Didn't Julianne Moore's character have a lucky backpack in The Lost World? I mean, is this some kind of ongoing joke?

My fundamental issue with this film was the insulting lack of continuity. Vending machines within a dilapidated and derelict facility are smashed and their contents consumed. Are we to presume that these food items were still within date and perfectly edible? Isla Sorna was abandoned and in a state of disrepair in 1997, so which brave vending machine guy was presumably parachuting onto the island and maintaining stocks of convenience foods for a completely uninhabited island, while trying his best to evade hungry and mad dinosaurs?!? On the point of lack of continuity, who does the human skull in the Pteranodon nest belong to, the vending machine guy?!

It's not all bad, but it is very easy to rant about this film's sore misgivings.

5/10

For Sale: Vinyl Collection


7" Singles (£2 each)
Bauhaus - Kick in the Eye
Bauhaus - The Passion of Lovers
Cure - Why Can't I Be You?
Public Image Ltd. - Flowers of Romance
Sisters of Mercy - Dominion
Sisters of Mercy - This Corrosion

12" Singles (£2 each)
Bauhaus - Lagatija Nick
Bauhaus - Telegram Sam
Bauhaus - Ziggy Stardust
KMFDM - Virus
Morrissey - Suedehead
Sisters of Mercy - Temple of Love

EPs (£3)
Sisters of Mercy - The Reptile House

Albums (£4 each, unless otherwise specified)
Bauhaus - Burning From The Inside
Bauhaus - Mask
Dalis Car - The Waking Hour (£6)
David Bowie - Let's Dance
David Bowie - Scary Monsters
Cure - Pornography
Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark - Architecture and Morality
Sisterhood (Sisters of Mercy) - Gift
Sisters of Mercy - First and Last and Always
Sisters of Mercy - Floodland
Smiths - Strangeways, Here We Come

All records are in a well-kept condition. Please email or call/text me if you would like any additional information or photos of something you're interested in.

See the original ad on Gumtree.

Thanks for looking.

Monday 7 May 2012

Review: The Lawnmower Man


Brett Leonard, 1992

A micro-review originally submitted to Amazon:

'Don't be fooled into thinking that just because this is the 10th anniversary edition it will contain a plethora of extras, unless interactive menus and a theatrical trailer really do it for you.

This film has not aged well, although the CGI scenes hold a certain degree of nostalgia. It is filmed in a way that makes it look like a cheap daytime soap opera. Jeff Fahey as Jobe is unconvincing and annoying.

If, like me, you have fond childhood memories of this film you won't be disappointed, although don't expect it to be anywhere near as impressive as you remember.'

6/10